An excuse to be Happy

i was watching a TV series, a quota came to my ere and i loved it.

"It is Your Birthday, it is an excuse to be happy" 

to be Happy, a word was more than crucial in my life, but yes its not gonna happen, i have to fake it, thats why i have people around, they'll help.

it was my birthday, my father got ill, i was far from home, and a pile of memories left, i could not come back and i could not achieve, what a shame!!
but no it is always no, i do have my sense, is it to be near or you have to feel and help other to safely pass through their own feelings.

i was not happy and all moments i passed,  i continued checking did i do what i have to do, am i worthy to act, a deep sorrow cannot get out and say you are free, i set you free.

why i have to be happy, is it necessary, i think need balance rather than, so yes! (i have to go and i love you so), and i remember it was their choice it was their beliefs, i stood against them, telling them we all will be apart not one tied solid body, but my say was weak. it needed a lot of explanations and listening, that i could not afford and i could not give, it looked like an empty space.

my last birthday, i whispered to myself that i suppose to live, but they keep me drag me in to the backward, and i keep suppress them! a hard job with the real world job, so my birthday was an excuse to be happy, a light i looked forward.